Model Behavior With Sharon Quinn: Reflections, Resolutions & Rejuvenation in the New Year, 1/01/2010
Meet Sharon Quinn
Happy New Year family! To say that I was glad to see 2009 leave would be an understatement at best. The past year has been one of the most difficult years of my life beginning with the losses of both my stepfather, who is in the late stages of Alzheimer's disease, which led to me having to put him in a permanent care facility on my birthday in February and the unexpected death of my father on Easter Sunday. From his hospital bed my father sent me on a mission to find my youngest sister before he died and when I found her; I saw immediately that she was nearing the end of her young life as well (she passed a few months after my dad).
I realized after several months that the facility in which my dad was placed was being neglectful in his care. The straw that broke the camel's back came as I working to get my stepfather transferred to a better facility I got a call informing me that my mother was being hospitalized after displaying symptoms of a stroke while visiting with him.
These four events shook me to my very core and the added stress of struggling to make ends meet in a very bad economy caused me to shut down completely. It was if time had stopped for me. My depression was so deep that I stopped writing, blogging, singing, going out and even eating good food ANYTHING that brought me joy I no longer wanted to do. I was consistently tired and the only thing that brought me any real comfort was sleeping, drinking wine and mindless entertainment I derived from watching reality television. I was missing BOTH of my dads immensely and having to deal with the fact that it took many years for us to learn how to communicate with each other and knowing I would no longer be able to do that only helped me sink deeper into my depression.
Speeding rapidly towards the menopausal phase of my life my hormones began raging and I developed a wicked sweet tooth; chewy lemonheads, coconut almond fudge ice cream & anything covered in dark chocolate became my new best friends. I accelerated a part time habit that I acquired during the last few years of working in corporate America (to keep me from killing my boss) of smoking cigarettes to a full time one. I was unable to sleep and watched the sun come up more times than I care to remember; and to top it all off the consistent late night mindless munching caused me to pack on an extra 10-15 pounds.
I consider myself to be a pretty decent actress and on the occasions that I did make a public appearance, on the outside I was able to put on a good face hiding my pain with a smile from most of those who knew me best. On the inside I was a total wreck; I had begun to doubt my abilities and myself. Fear and self doubt had begun to creep into my psyche and told me that this was the end of the line for me career wise.
My wardrobe had dwindled down to almost nothing from age and there was no extra cash coming in to continue building one. I seriously considered ending this column and my blog at the end of December because my doubts told me that no one was reading them. For the briefest of moments (and I mean REALLY brief) I wondered if I'd have to search for a 9-5 again and just the THOUGHT of that terrified me. I was finding it very hard to stay positive and see a light at the end of the tunnel; and that was the scariest moment of all for me because it went against everything that I had ever believed in.